Marcus Kindley, Homosexuality, and Pedophila

There has been much commentary around the blogosphere regarding Marcus Kindley’s comments about gays and pedophiles. One can check out Matt’s featured story on greensboro101.com, the debate over at Sue’s place, and the debate on Chip’s new Blogger site. I’m sure there is much being said elsewhere too.

Personally, I think Mr. Kindley’s comments were unhelpful and hurtful and politically stupid. It is a disservice to say the least to decent law abiding homosexual men and women to throw them in with pedophiles. And that is being said by someone who believes homosexuality to be morally wrong.

I actually agree with Matt. One can’t let such comments stand just because a bumbling blogger says them. I think an apology is in order. It would certainly be politically wise.

Having said all that, there is a legitimate danger of the issues of homosexuality and pedophilia being confused or conflated, and that danger rests in the “argument from desire” often used by homosexuals themselves.

I have always thought that such an argument does a disservice to homosexuals and to their moral/political goals.

There is this tendency to equate or not equate “sexual preference” with “desire.” As I said elsewhere…Sexuality determines desire....Desire determines sexuality...Words...What is sexuality (unless we're talking about gender confusion) if it does not include “desire” as a most fundamental component? To say that desire comes out of sexuality is to say that desire comes out of desire. It says nothing at all.

In the sense, everyone makes decisions all the time whether to be true to their "desires" or not. I happen to believe that most heterosexual men are inclined or "bent" to "spread their seed" far and wide. Most men have an insatiable desire for sexual variety. Every day involves decisions whether to act in thought or deed on those inclinations or not. Thus, as to our common experience of "heterosexual male sexuality," having many and multiple partners could be considered a defining aspect of our "sexuality." Monogamy could be considered downright unnatural. But whether we act in mind, heart, or deed on those desires is a choice involving whether we go against our base level "sexuality."

Add to this the fact two common experiences I have come up against on many occasions in counseling others.

First, many men because of having been abused sexually by males as children, have a confused libido. They have a base level sexuality such that they "get up" by anal and oral intercourse. They are drawn to homosexual pornography. This may be extremely distressing to a wife or a woman. The man may be fundamentally heterosexual, but it is hard for them to have appropriate non confused libido when it comes to sex with women. It is hard for them to “get up” for normal intercourse. The point is, their “sexuality,” in terms of what turns their sexual crank, should not be the defining issue when it comes to their sexual actions.

Second, many people who have "let fly" sexually, and have let down the walls and barriers through all kinds of group sexual encounters, find that any kind of sex will do just fine. This problem is often exacerbated by pornography. The point is that their desires are spread all over the map. Acting on sexual impulses even "against one's normal grain" actually changes that grain, changes one's "sexuality." Again, choice is always there.

The bottom like in that the arguments for homosexual sex based on desire or some vague notion of sexuality eventually become arguments for all kinds of sex. Ultimately we have to draw lines based on some sort of moral compass. and, corporately as to laws, on some sort of moral consensus. The argument rooted in "desire" takes away all such compasses. It is a bad argument for homosexuals because it takes away the dignity of their choices and opens them up to the very kind of comparisons as have been made by Mr. Kindley. It also makes them out to be children, non grown ups, people who cannot live counter to their desires. Much better to say one chooses to be homosexual in terms of one’s way of life. There is more dignity there. The argument rooted in "desire" is also a bad argument culturally because it leads quickly to moral and sexual anarchy, including, eventually, as we will see soon enough, to cultural acceptance of some forms of pedophilia. See the article on pedophilia in Wikepedia to get a glimpse of what might be next). It’s coming. The argument rooted in "desire" will help it get here.
.